Meals are Social

Eating together is one of the most universal, timeless human activities.  The evening meal is a natural time to rest, share, talk, and replenish our bodies.  Dinnertime is sacred in my house.  Even if the meal is simple and we don’t have much time, sitting down to dinner is important to the daily rhythm of life and the proper nourishment of our bodies.

I am a well known food lover.  I enjoy cooking and baking, have a degree in nutrition, and read cookbooks for fun.  So don’t misunderstand me when I say that the main point of a meal isn’t the food — it’s the people.  Meals are primarily social experiences.  Understanding this will go a long way toward peaceful and meaningful family dinners.

So often having a decent family meal is challenging.  There are many evenings with tired children, sullen teens, a crying baby, and preoccupied parents.   How about that 4 year old who will eat only the plainest food, refusing anything green?  How are we supposed to get our children to eat the vegetables and whole grains we know are good for them if they refuse to try anything new?  It is tempting to make nutrition the focus of dinner time.   Here are a few strategies to keep good nutrition a priority while maintaining the primary purpose of the family dinner:

1.  Cook one meal.  A big mistake many parents make is cooking separate meals for different family members.  This sends the wrong signal.  Food is culture on a plate.  Cook your grandmother’s special spaghetti sauce and tell a story about her.  Make one balanced tasty meal, and serve it family style.  Make sure that everything on the table is something you actually want your child to eat, allowing for specific food needs or allergies.  Then relax, focus on conversation, and ignore what or how much your children are eating.  It’s all good food, right?  As long as manners are appropriate, just go with the flow.

2.  Know your role.  Parents provide good food and set the dinner time and place.  That’s it!  Children have the responsibility of choosing what and how much to eat, and — rarely — even whether or not they eat*.  No snacks at least an hour before meals.  If children are hungry when they come to the table, they’ll be more likely to eat better.  When dinner time is over, it’s over: no snacks until just before bed.  And that should be a nutritious, boring snack.

3.  No power struggles, no bribes.  Don’t let food be a source of struggle at the dinner table.  Keep your expectations clear.  Never insist on your child cleaning his or her plate.  Do not bribe a child with dessert for eating his or her veggies.  If your child suddenly has an aversion to all green things, ignore it.  Most children will go through eating trends, just like adults.   Keep a relaxed attitude, keep on serving green things anyway, and focus on the people around the table.  Try cooking with your children and let them have some say in what you make for dinner.  Recognize that all of us have food preferences, and some people have particularly sensitive palates.  This is often inherited — were you a selective eater?  Remember what your childhood dinner experiences were and improve on what you experienced.

4.  Good nutrition happens all day, not just at dinner.  Think of your family’s food intake in bigger chunks than just one meal at a time.  In the course of a day or two, if the overall intake of foods is a good mix of veggies, fruit, whole grains, protein then you will necessarily be more relaxed at any given meal.  Don’t be so focused on what your family eats that you ignore your family.  If all they eat at dinner one night is plain pasta it’s just fine, as long as throughout the day they’ve had a balanced diet.

Good food + people you love + conversation = a great family dinner.  Stay focused on the people around the table, and your family dinners will grow and develop into warm memories.

* On rare occasion it is perfectly  fine to let your child refuse to eat a meal.  A healthy child will NOT starve by missing one meal.  However, this should be carefully monitored.  If this becomes a common occurrence, check with a health care professional about possible mental health or food allergy issues.